Ok, so this has been a month, or couple months of ups and downs. We found out with the last blood check that my progesterone levels are high enough on the Clomid that we don't have to go back for more checks. We'll stay on the Clomid course for 6 mo total.
We also found out that the possible cyst/endometriosis on my ovary has increased in size just a little so I'm going to have to have a laparoscopy to remove it- scheduled for January 12th. They'll go in, remove anything that needs removed as well as check for polyps and shoot dye through my fallopian tubes to double check that they're working and open. It's just an out patient procedure and I'll be able to go home that day. Our hopes are that the dr's are able to find whatever it is they need to find and this will help in getting pregnant.
With all of that being said, I completely hit my breaking point this month. I broke down more times that I can count, some with Jason there to comfort me, some in my car driving. I am so tired of crying but somehow the tears just keep coming. I spent my days leading up to Christmas worrying about what family members would say. Would they comment on how our brother and sister-in-law are pregnant and we're not? Would they ask questions about why we haven't had kids yet or when were we going to start trying? And how, would I ever be able to answer those questions without breaking down? Thankfully, none of those were asked. All my worrying was for nothing and the celebrations were wonderful.
Somehow through this I was able to find peace. I finally accepted that this is not a 'quick-fix' problem and we're in it for a longer haul that I originally thought and hoped. I think for a long time I wanted to 'catch up' to those friends and family members that got pregnant as we were trying and that's just not going to happen. I was finally able to rest in God's peace and His timing.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
fall...
Fall is definitely my favorite time of year. You just can't beat the amazing colors that leaves turn and the cooler weather and of course the return of the pumpkin spice latte (as well as pumpkin spice creamer).
In the span of time since the last post Jason and I are both a year older....he's handling his change in the tens place well and I feel like mine came and went without any difference. We're just a few weeks from the rush of the Holiday season and that'll bring a whole other level of stress and excitement! It's crazy how early people and stores and cities think they need to start decorating for Christmas. Most of our towns have lights on the lampposts and have them lit every night...I'm a firm believer in waiting to decorate the weekend of Thanksgiving- I need to fully experience one holiday before beginning another.
As for dr. news I have now been on Clomid for 2 months. The first dose of 50mg did not help to increase my progesterone so they upped me to 100mg this month. We're in that dreaded 2-week waiting period so of course my emotions are all over the place. One day (or even one minute) I think we are pregnant and in the next I am positive that we're not. It's amazing to me how quickly you can forget how horrible the emotional highs and lows of all this are. Every month brings it all back like I've never experienced it before. I had bloodwork drawn today to check my progesterone levels so with every spare second I have I'm praying that they have increased enough! We're both feeling positive about this month, but through these past 10 months I've learned to be cautious as well. All I know for sure is that it is completely out of my hands!
In the span of time since the last post Jason and I are both a year older....he's handling his change in the tens place well and I feel like mine came and went without any difference. We're just a few weeks from the rush of the Holiday season and that'll bring a whole other level of stress and excitement! It's crazy how early people and stores and cities think they need to start decorating for Christmas. Most of our towns have lights on the lampposts and have them lit every night...I'm a firm believer in waiting to decorate the weekend of Thanksgiving- I need to fully experience one holiday before beginning another.
As for dr. news I have now been on Clomid for 2 months. The first dose of 50mg did not help to increase my progesterone so they upped me to 100mg this month. We're in that dreaded 2-week waiting period so of course my emotions are all over the place. One day (or even one minute) I think we are pregnant and in the next I am positive that we're not. It's amazing to me how quickly you can forget how horrible the emotional highs and lows of all this are. Every month brings it all back like I've never experienced it before. I had bloodwork drawn today to check my progesterone levels so with every spare second I have I'm praying that they have increased enough! We're both feeling positive about this month, but through these past 10 months I've learned to be cautious as well. All I know for sure is that it is completely out of my hands!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
doctors and sewing
So, an update on the latest in doctor news is in order. After being on Prometrium for a couple months I started noticing things weren't right and that the length in between cycles wasn't long enough so I went back to the doctor. She ran a series of tests: ultrasound (normal with a possible cyst to go back and look at in 8-10 wks), bacteria test (negative), and bloodwork. It turns out the prometrium was not raising my progesterone levels high enough so she started me on prometrium twice a week until the other results came back. So I've been doubling my dose for a week or so now and am still showing signs of shortened cycles. Since that is still going on and all other tests came back negative we're going to switch to Clomid. I haven't gotten the final word on that, or begun taking it yet, but multiples here we come!!!
So, all this led to the new sewing hobby, the purchase of a machine of my own, and the first project...a pillow.
Jason thinks it's crazy, but I had extra fabric left over from his curtains, so now he has a throw pillow for the reading nook in his room. I think it turned out pretty well...could have been better, but not bad for a first attempt. A friend and I are going to a really cheap (but good) fabric store this weekend to pick out stuff for curtains (my house and hers) and a duvet cover for my guest bed. In order to make room to sew we have now moved the guest room into where the office was...I'll post pics once it's finished!
So, all this led to the new sewing hobby, the purchase of a machine of my own, and the first project...a pillow.
Jason thinks it's crazy, but I had extra fabric left over from his curtains, so now he has a throw pillow for the reading nook in his room. I think it turned out pretty well...could have been better, but not bad for a first attempt. A friend and I are going to a really cheap (but good) fabric store this weekend to pick out stuff for curtains (my house and hers) and a duvet cover for my guest bed. In order to make room to sew we have now moved the guest room into where the office was...I'll post pics once it's finished!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
so long to summer...
I was able to to go back to Iowa for a week in August; Jason had to stay home and start school, but it was nice to see my family and get a chance to go to the Iowa State Fair!! We were able to see the biggest pig, largest pumpkin, butter cow, and eat elephant ears! (see pics)
I also decided to learn to sew while up there and my first project was making Jason curtains for his room. They turned out really well and I'm going to try and keep this hobby going!
Other than that, things are pretty much the same. Jason is keeping busy with his school opening and I'm actually low at work right now so I'm pretty much just working 1/2 days. It'll pick up again here soon, but it's kinda nice having afternoons off to get things done! Thankfully the weather FINALLY cooled off so it's actually enjoyable to be outside! I guess I no longer have an excuse for not working out! So glad that fall is right around the corner! :)
I also decided to learn to sew while up there and my first project was making Jason curtains for his room. They turned out really well and I'm going to try and keep this hobby going!
Other than that, things are pretty much the same. Jason is keeping busy with his school opening and I'm actually low at work right now so I'm pretty much just working 1/2 days. It'll pick up again here soon, but it's kinda nice having afternoons off to get things done! Thankfully the weather FINALLY cooled off so it's actually enjoyable to be outside! I guess I no longer have an excuse for not working out! So glad that fall is right around the corner! :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
good news, blah news, but overall hope renewed
Ok, so this past month has been a struggle for me. We started on Prometrium and had to wait 2 weeks before I had another blood test to see if it was working. During that time we went on with things like normal. I didn't feel a difference from the increase in hormones except that I am sleeping wonderfully; Jason would disagree. He says I became a bit more moody, but he handled it well.
After I had the blood draw I knew I'd have to wait awhile to get the results back. That week of waiting was probably one of my biggest falls from, and restore in hope with this whole process. Our sermon at church last week summed up this whole process so far for me. What I took from it was that God plants little seeds of hope in us. It is not up to us to determine when those seeds will grow and bloom; it's up to us to allow the seed to live in us and wait for God. While waiting we will encounter moments of fear, moments of despair, and ultimately we try to take things into our own hands and into our own calendar of time.
I realized that was me. In the span of a week I was feeling fear of this never working, loss of hope, and was beginning to try and form my own timeline of how long I was going to give this to work (remember, we are on the first month of this). After Sunday's message, I began to think about things differently and it's taking some work, but I'm beginning to view all of this differently. I've been talking with a friend who is going through her own struggles with pregnancy and it's helped having her ear. I've also realized that as much as I thought I had given full control of this situation to God, I hadn't, and I was trying to regain as much control as I could. I've once again let that control go, and when I start to freak out I just think of my little seed living in me and I know that God has it timed out.
So, the good news- the Prometrium is working! I went from a count of 5 last month to 21 this month!
The blah news- we're not pregnant yet...
BUT the hope is there, and it will all work out according to God's timeline, not ours.
After I had the blood draw I knew I'd have to wait awhile to get the results back. That week of waiting was probably one of my biggest falls from, and restore in hope with this whole process. Our sermon at church last week summed up this whole process so far for me. What I took from it was that God plants little seeds of hope in us. It is not up to us to determine when those seeds will grow and bloom; it's up to us to allow the seed to live in us and wait for God. While waiting we will encounter moments of fear, moments of despair, and ultimately we try to take things into our own hands and into our own calendar of time.
I realized that was me. In the span of a week I was feeling fear of this never working, loss of hope, and was beginning to try and form my own timeline of how long I was going to give this to work (remember, we are on the first month of this). After Sunday's message, I began to think about things differently and it's taking some work, but I'm beginning to view all of this differently. I've been talking with a friend who is going through her own struggles with pregnancy and it's helped having her ear. I've also realized that as much as I thought I had given full control of this situation to God, I hadn't, and I was trying to regain as much control as I could. I've once again let that control go, and when I start to freak out I just think of my little seed living in me and I know that God has it timed out.
So, the good news- the Prometrium is working! I went from a count of 5 last month to 21 this month!
The blah news- we're not pregnant yet...
BUT the hope is there, and it will all work out according to God's timeline, not ours.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
anniversary and doctors
Our 2nd anniversary was on Monday, but we celebrated this past weekend. Jason planned the whole thing and kept me surprised. He started out by handing me a card and the GPS which he'd programed with 'Anniversary 1-3'. I followed the directions on the card and the GPS took us to our locations. We ended up staying in a hotel at one of the state parks nearby. It was a nice place with views overlooking the lake...it would have been great to explore except for the 95+ degree temps that unfortunately limited the activities. So instead of hiking all day we came home and went to a Sounds game (Nashville's AAA baseball team) with Garrett and Megan. It was a fun, hot evening topped off with fireworks. Sunday was a typical day until I went for my surprise massage. :)
Jason says he loves planning these things and that he would do a better job than I would so I'm off the hook for planning next years! :) He was able to get a photo editing program which he's thrilled to have that he says is making editing much easier.
So Monday was our actual anniversary and we spent the evening at the 'girly doctor' as Jason puts it. We discussed the options for me since my progesterone levels came back low. In looking at my bloodwork, progesterone levels according to the textbook should be 10, fertility doctors like to see 15... mine was a 5. So needless to say, I am not making nearly enough of that hormone to support a pregnancy. My doctor said it's a luteal phase defect, fancy way to classify a progesterone shortage.
Our options were either a form of Clomid or Prometrium, a progesterone supplement. Both options would raise my levels, however there are risks of multiples with Clomid and that's not an option we wanted to have to face immediately. So, in talking with my doctor we decided to first try the Prometrium for a few months, if my levels do not increase we'll then try Clomid, if that doesn't work we'd then be sent to a fertility specialist, but we're not yet looking that far down the road.
The Prometrium is a bit trickier to take and is more expensive (thank goodness insurance covered), but I'll start it in a week or so and we'll see what happens.
*Jason's edit: Prometrium can also cause moodiness... but I'll take that over multiples any day!
Jason says he loves planning these things and that he would do a better job than I would so I'm off the hook for planning next years! :) He was able to get a photo editing program which he's thrilled to have that he says is making editing much easier.
So Monday was our actual anniversary and we spent the evening at the 'girly doctor' as Jason puts it. We discussed the options for me since my progesterone levels came back low. In looking at my bloodwork, progesterone levels according to the textbook should be 10, fertility doctors like to see 15... mine was a 5. So needless to say, I am not making nearly enough of that hormone to support a pregnancy. My doctor said it's a luteal phase defect, fancy way to classify a progesterone shortage.
Our options were either a form of Clomid or Prometrium, a progesterone supplement. Both options would raise my levels, however there are risks of multiples with Clomid and that's not an option we wanted to have to face immediately. So, in talking with my doctor we decided to first try the Prometrium for a few months, if my levels do not increase we'll then try Clomid, if that doesn't work we'd then be sent to a fertility specialist, but we're not yet looking that far down the road.
The Prometrium is a bit trickier to take and is more expensive (thank goodness insurance covered), but I'll start it in a week or so and we'll see what happens.
*Jason's edit: Prometrium can also cause moodiness... but I'll take that over multiples any day!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
hiccups..
So I hit a hiccup along the road of life today... a sort of minor Plan B moment...hiccups suck.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
rain, floods, and baby clothes?...
So, as you've probably read/heard Nashville is full of water. It began raining here Friday night/Sat morning and didn't stop until Sunday night. All said and done areas got 15 inches of rain (translated to snow that's 13 ft!!). Needless to say Nashville is now underwater.
Thankfully we are on a big hill and didn't get wet :) We have friends that did though- they are busy trying to quickly pull up floors, carpet, drywall, etc so the mold doesn't set in. The real kicker about all of this is that the majority of people affected don't have flood insurance because they don't live on a flood plain. They're calling this a 500 year flood.
The river finally crested, but is very slow to recede...one water plant is under water so Nashville is running off of 1 plant that had some minor flooding. We're on a water restriction to 'necessary water use only'...meaning we can drink, bathe, and cook. However, when told you're on a restriction people freak out (or just don't pay attention) so now we have excess use going to fill up bathtubs, fill up every container possible, and to washing clothes and cars. After being lucky enough to not lose power or flood, we may possibly be without water so we'll see how that goes. We have offers for showers though should we need it and I've already stocked up on water to drink/cook with (the IA floods taught me something!)
Onto other topics (and completely random ones at that)...I have now inherited about a gazillion sets of baby clothes...No, not pregnant yet, but I am now the baby clothes distributor. One of my client's moms, who has fostered kids for years, decided to clean house. So if you are in the need of baby clothes, will be in the need for baby clothes, or just like baby clothes let me know!! I have boys clothes ages 0-6mo and girls preemie-6mo as well as a couple over-the-shoulder slings, a shopping cart cover, assortment of sheets, blankets and towels, AND 4 sets of maternity scrub pants!
Thankfully we are on a big hill and didn't get wet :) We have friends that did though- they are busy trying to quickly pull up floors, carpet, drywall, etc so the mold doesn't set in. The real kicker about all of this is that the majority of people affected don't have flood insurance because they don't live on a flood plain. They're calling this a 500 year flood.
The river finally crested, but is very slow to recede...one water plant is under water so Nashville is running off of 1 plant that had some minor flooding. We're on a water restriction to 'necessary water use only'...meaning we can drink, bathe, and cook. However, when told you're on a restriction people freak out (or just don't pay attention) so now we have excess use going to fill up bathtubs, fill up every container possible, and to washing clothes and cars. After being lucky enough to not lose power or flood, we may possibly be without water so we'll see how that goes. We have offers for showers though should we need it and I've already stocked up on water to drink/cook with (the IA floods taught me something!)
Onto other topics (and completely random ones at that)...I have now inherited about a gazillion sets of baby clothes...No, not pregnant yet, but I am now the baby clothes distributor. One of my client's moms, who has fostered kids for years, decided to clean house. So if you are in the need of baby clothes, will be in the need for baby clothes, or just like baby clothes let me know!! I have boys clothes ages 0-6mo and girls preemie-6mo as well as a couple over-the-shoulder slings, a shopping cart cover, assortment of sheets, blankets and towels, AND 4 sets of maternity scrub pants!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Spring Break
So spring break is coming to a close...or what I like to call spring break is ending. I no longer get an actual spring break, but rather the time I took off during Jason's spring break is ending. It was actually a very eventful break...
We started by making a trip up to IA to see the family for Easter. It was a long 22 hours in the car (that's counting there and back) with the dogs, but everyone survived. The weather in IA was nice, 50s/60s and we were able to get outside, go fishing, try out the new remote-controlled boat on the pond, etc. Blue especially enjoyed the pond and took his turn at chasing the boat, geese and a bobber or two (hooks attached, thankfully none attached to him). Maizie enjoyed running around the pond and barking when Blue did, but she did not try her luck at swimming this trip. We were able to spend some time with my nieces as well (maybe I can get Jason to insert some pictures) taking in horseback riding lessons and softball practices. They loved the dogs and requested to go on multiple 'walks' with them.
Once back home we dove into house projects; re-painting areas that needed it, replacing light fixtures, patching holes in the ceiling that the builder decided to just leave and cover up with fluorescent lights, finishing woodworking projects, gardening... we got a lot done and it's nice to be able to cross some of those things off the to-do list.
Other than that, no news to tell...back to the swing of things next week. Jason just has a few more weeks of work-school left and a couple months of grad-school so we'll be counting down!! He has decided to walk in May, even though they don't graduate until August so if anyone wants to road trip up to cheer him on feel free! :)
We started by making a trip up to IA to see the family for Easter. It was a long 22 hours in the car (that's counting there and back) with the dogs, but everyone survived. The weather in IA was nice, 50s/60s and we were able to get outside, go fishing, try out the new remote-controlled boat on the pond, etc. Blue especially enjoyed the pond and took his turn at chasing the boat, geese and a bobber or two (hooks attached, thankfully none attached to him). Maizie enjoyed running around the pond and barking when Blue did, but she did not try her luck at swimming this trip. We were able to spend some time with my nieces as well (maybe I can get Jason to insert some pictures) taking in horseback riding lessons and softball practices. They loved the dogs and requested to go on multiple 'walks' with them.
Once back home we dove into house projects; re-painting areas that needed it, replacing light fixtures, patching holes in the ceiling that the builder decided to just leave and cover up with fluorescent lights, finishing woodworking projects, gardening... we got a lot done and it's nice to be able to cross some of those things off the to-do list.
Other than that, no news to tell...back to the swing of things next week. Jason just has a few more weeks of work-school left and a couple months of grad-school so we'll be counting down!! He has decided to walk in May, even though they don't graduate until August so if anyone wants to road trip up to cheer him on feel free! :)
Friday, March 19, 2010
hurray for me!
I'm very proud of myself for changing up my background :) I know, a small accomplishment (and Jason will probably hate the feminine touch) but I think it's cool!
Nothing new to report...we're having a wonderful couple days, weather-wise, so I'm sure we'll make the most of them!
I also never realized we had people reading this so I will work on clarifying posts (they have been updated somewhat) for our reader(s)
Nothing new to report...we're having a wonderful couple days, weather-wise, so I'm sure we'll make the most of them!
I also never realized we had people reading this so I will work on clarifying posts (they have been updated somewhat) for our reader(s)
Monday, March 15, 2010
things....
No baby news yet, though this month isn't nearly as hard to wait through. It's funny how freaked out I was last month, but that's just the OCD in me.
Other news...Jason accepted a position at a new Elementary school that is opening next fall. He'll be the lead special educator and will be able to assume more leadership opportunities. He's very happy about the move and I'm excited for him.
The animals are doing well- well, they're doing well now that we've installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs to give the cats some relief from the dogs. It's working nicely, though Blue lays down on the top step waiting for someone to let him in so he can go lay in his crate, and Maizie thinks you've magically appeared when you come through the gate, but the cats are enjoying it, and we're getting a little more peace now that Blue can't run upstairs barking and chasing.
We're planning a trip to Iowa for Easter weekend and then part of spring break week so that'll be nice. It's been since Thanksgiving since we've been up and we haven't been up during a spring/summer season since I think summer of '07. We'll have to get back down to GA sometime too...maybe once the school year ends...
Other news...Jason accepted a position at a new Elementary school that is opening next fall. He'll be the lead special educator and will be able to assume more leadership opportunities. He's very happy about the move and I'm excited for him.
The animals are doing well- well, they're doing well now that we've installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs to give the cats some relief from the dogs. It's working nicely, though Blue lays down on the top step waiting for someone to let him in so he can go lay in his crate, and Maizie thinks you've magically appeared when you come through the gate, but the cats are enjoying it, and we're getting a little more peace now that Blue can't run upstairs barking and chasing.
We're planning a trip to Iowa for Easter weekend and then part of spring break week so that'll be nice. It's been since Thanksgiving since we've been up and we haven't been up during a spring/summer season since I think summer of '07. We'll have to get back down to GA sometime too...maybe once the school year ends...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
the waiting game...
So the waiting part of this whole 'pulling the goalie' ride we're on is probably the worst part (at least it's the worst part I've experienced so far...I'm sure that will change as things go on). I mean a month is really a long time when you look at it day by day. And this last week is doubly long as no matter what, one thing is going to happen, and there's no fast track to see which way it's going to go. I guess the only thing left to do is wait...
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