updates...

Wow, ok so a lot has happened since this last post. We are not yet pregnant, but I've reached a sense of peace about it. More on that in a second...

To start things off I had to have a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy/fluid flushing/d&c in the middle of January. What ultrasounds back in Sept and Nov picked up ended up being a huge mass of ovarian cysts mixed in with endometriosis. While they were in there and I was under they decided to also scrape out any uterine polyps and check to make sure my tubes were open by flushing fluid through them. I found out at my pre-op appt 2 days prior to the surgery that worse case scenario they'd have to remove my ovaries and if my tubes were blocked it would mean a hysterectomy.

So needless to say I went into the surgery a little nervous, but thankfully everything was open and they were able to remove all the cysts/endometriosis. After the surgery, my doctor debated about putting me on Lupron which causes your reproductive system to shut down (like a premenopausal state) to kill off any remaining endometrial cells, but after reviewing the pathology report decided against it and I remained on Clomid.

Last month I had my bloodwork re-checked and found out that my progesterone levels still are not high enough so they increased my Clomid to 150mg. I think this will be the last increase, and bloodwork was checked again today. If it's still not high enough I think we're on to the fertility center.

Like I said, I've somehow been able to find peace in all of this. I've started, or attempted to start, an infertility group at our church, but with the fickle nature of this disorder it's a little slow in starting up. I've been able to have some really wonderful conversations with remarkable women who either are going through, or have gone through, infertility. There's definitely a community of us out there and it's helped me cope to be able to talk with them.

I can't say that I don't still get sad, and I still question why at times, but ultimately I've realized that God has a plan for Jason and I, and we will be parents someday. God has a child (or children) picked out for us whether they're ours biologically or not. I've realized that this is not a race or rush, and I'm learning to just enjoy the time that Jason and I have with each other, just the 2 of us.

In the middle of all of this, Jason's brother and wife had their little girl. Taylor Morgan was born on March 1st, about 2 weeks early, and ironically enough on her daddy's birthday. She is absolutely precious and we are so thrilled for them! The process of seeing her and holding her has actually been much easier than I thought it would be. At one point the 4 of us adults were eating dinner after Taylor had just come home from the hospital and was asleep in the other room. I completely forgot that there was a child in the house and momentarily panicked when I remembered. I realize you don't forget when it's your own child, but that panicked feeling made me really see how life changing a child is.

But anyway, I will try and do a better job of updating... I can't promise that'll happen since I'm not really the writer in the family, but I'll try. :)

Megan