Ok, so this has been a month, or couple months of ups and downs. We found out with the last blood check that my progesterone levels are high enough on the Clomid that we don't have to go back for more checks. We'll stay on the Clomid course for 6 mo total.
We also found out that the possible cyst/endometriosis on my ovary has increased in size just a little so I'm going to have to have a laparoscopy to remove it- scheduled for January 12th. They'll go in, remove anything that needs removed as well as check for polyps and shoot dye through my fallopian tubes to double check that they're working and open. It's just an out patient procedure and I'll be able to go home that day. Our hopes are that the dr's are able to find whatever it is they need to find and this will help in getting pregnant.
With all of that being said, I completely hit my breaking point this month. I broke down more times that I can count, some with Jason there to comfort me, some in my car driving. I am so tired of crying but somehow the tears just keep coming. I spent my days leading up to Christmas worrying about what family members would say. Would they comment on how our brother and sister-in-law are pregnant and we're not? Would they ask questions about why we haven't had kids yet or when were we going to start trying? And how, would I ever be able to answer those questions without breaking down? Thankfully, none of those were asked. All my worrying was for nothing and the celebrations were wonderful.
Somehow through this I was able to find peace. I finally accepted that this is not a 'quick-fix' problem and we're in it for a longer haul that I originally thought and hoped. I think for a long time I wanted to 'catch up' to those friends and family members that got pregnant as we were trying and that's just not going to happen. I was finally able to rest in God's peace and His timing.
